Beardski Bearded Ski Mask Protects Against Yeti Attacks, Attracts Women
The Beardski Ski Mask gives the gift that keeps on giving: a super huge beard. Once you have a beard, girls start liking you, you have something to stroke while you’re thinking, and girls still like you when you talk about the Doctor Who Hockey Jerseys you saw online! In addition to putting some good looks into your bowl of ski salad, which, curiously, lacks the ability to ski, the Beardski Ski Mask also has some practical benefits. It’s water-resistant, so you won’t get bogged down with melted snow (water, in most cases) when you face plant. Also, your entire face and neck area will be protected from frigid winds and the powerful claws of angry ski yetis. (No, the yetis will still kill you, but you’ll be warm as you die!)
There are several types of Beardski Ski Masks available: the Zeke, Pirate, Prospector, Viking, and Biker all have different geeky colors of beards, so all you have to do is pick your favorite. Each one comes with a pair of goggles attached to the mask and beard, and you get all of that for just $30! If you get one of these geeky masks, everyone will know that you’re not one of the people who needs to read the Beards for Dummies infographic. “Was I supposed to click on that?” Yes, unless you already have a Beardski. “I do not have a Beardski.” Then why are you still here? “I’m washing the dishes like you ordered me to.” Oh, I see. Carry on, before you take an arrow to the knee and get demoted to Lenny’s spot of churning the butter.
The Beardski Ski Mask is super geeky, and one of the coolest ski masks around. If you’re appetite for masks has not yet been satiated, check out the Mask-Bot and the Real-f Masks, which will keep you up at night for decades. You will be ninety years-old, and unable to sleep.
Contributor Jack Kieffer owns Cool Gizmo Toys, a blog that rants about random geeky products.