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The Chinese Face-Kini: Wrestling, Robberies, and Sun Protection!

by Jack Kieffer

The wonderfully innovative country of China has come up with a creation that will surely change the way the world operates!  Now, instead of applying sunscreen to your face, (which is a huge pain), you can protect yourself and look like an axe murderer/criminal/Nacho Libre at the same time!  Who would’a thunk it, am I right?


My first thought: run, and run as fast as my small, stunted legs will carry me.  My second thought: “Man, I thought they were both guys at first.”  But, since my thoughts are generally boring offensive to others, I’m not going to share any more of them.  Not without a price tag, anyway – seems like my thoughts are getting more and more valuable to those around me.  I think of myself as a sort of… wise sage.  “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”

The Face-Kini may be kosher in China, but I can guarantee that you’re going to get a few things if you wear this at an American beach: crying children, inquisitive life guards, and a challenge to a wrestling match from La Chalupa Mas Sexy and El Caballo Violente.  Spoiler: you’re going to get your face kicked.


To me, this would easily ruin a good day at the beach.  How?  Everybody’s wearing their fashionable new Face-Kini and I couldn’t fit mine on over the third chin.  Yeah, you didn’t hear?  CHINA OWNS THE WORLD.  You buy what they manufacture, Face-Kini or no Face-Kini.

If you enjoyed the Face-Kini, that’s kind of weird, but you should go check out the Happy Smile Trainer and the Noodle Slicing Robot when you’re ready for another dose.

This super awesome post was written by Jack, lead blogger at Cool Gizmo Toys.  Jack puts together lists to help geeks quickly find the stuff that they love, and has a free eBook that you can get today!

Comments are closed for posts older than 90 days.

Comments (1):

  1. Borque says:

    This may haunt my dreams as much as the spider in that lady’s ear…which was in China as well, right?!

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