The Chinese Face-Kini: Wrestling, Robberies, and Sun Protection!
August 22nd, 2012
The wonderfully innovative country of China has come up with a creation that will surely change the way the world operates! Now, instead of applying sunscreen to your face, (which is a huge pain), you can protect yourself and look like an axe murderer/criminal/Nacho Libre at the same time! Who would’a thunk it, am I right?
My first thought: run, and run as fast as my small, stunted legs will carry me. My second thought: “Man, I thought they were both guys at first.” But, since my thoughts are generally
boring offensive to others, I’m not going to share any more of them. Not without a price tag, anyway – seems like my thoughts are getting more and more valuable to those around me. I think of myself as a sort of… wise sage. “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
The Face-Kini may be kosher in China, but I can guarantee that you’re going to get a few things if you wear this at an American beach: crying children, inquisitive life guards, and a challenge to a wrestling match from La Chalupa Mas Sexy and El Caballo Violente. Spoiler: you’re going to get your face kicked.
To me, this would easily ruin a good day at the beach. How? Everybody’s wearing their fashionable new Face-Kini and I couldn’t fit mine on over the third chin. Yeah, you didn’t hear? CHINA OWNS THE WORLD. You buy what they manufacture, Face-Kini or no Face-Kini.
This super awesome post was written by Jack, lead blogger at Cool Gizmo Toys. Jack puts together lists to help geeks quickly find the stuff that they love, and has a free eBook that you can get today!