The hiyokomame (named for Japanese chick peas) chopstick practice set gives you everything you need to get your ‘stick-wielding talents in order without risk of spilling even a single grain of greasy fried rice on your just-pressed dress shirt.

Instead of trying to pick up bits of real grub, you’ll be delicately dipping into a bowl of little yellow plastic bean-shaped chicks. Each one stares blankly back at you as you pluck them from their bowl and they get ready to meet their maker in a sloshing pool of digestive acids.

While you’ll definitely be able to hone your chopstick skills with this wacky set, you should be reminded that the bite-size hiyokomame dudes are not edible, and gulping down a bowlful of toxic plastic and dyes with your new-found chopstick skills would probably send you to the emergency room to have your stomach pumped.

This oddity from Japan is available just in time for the holidays over at Gizmine for $39.99 (USD). I’ve only got one question… are chick peas really made from baby chickens?

There are two types available: lingerie torso and cropped World Cup t-shirt torso. All of the torsos are wearing lacy painted underwear which only serves to highlight their unfortunate limblessness.

To add to the perviness factor, the mice are given names like Francesca and Michaela, depending on nationality. Oddly enough both the French and Spanish torsos are named Luisa. Then again, I’m guessing if you are the type to buy a mouse of this nature then such trivialities will not bother you.

As far as a novelty mouse goes, I will grudgingly admit that a woman’s curves do seem like they would make for a pretty ergonomic mousing experience, and it’s clever to make boobs clickable, but that doesn’t make this any less creepy. And if you’re willing to shell out €30 ($45) for one of these, then you’re not only kinda pervy, you’re also pretty spendy. Get them here.