Behold – the laser scissors. It’s a pair of scissors… with a frickin’ laser beam! And that is all that you need to know. Go buy it now.
Why are you still here? What? No, the laser can’t cut paper by itself; that’s what the scissor is for. It’s for idiots like you and me who can’t cut in a straight line if the world depended on it.
Again: Buy this now. I don’t care if you don’t need it. Give the people who brought it into the world the money that they deserve. It’s available at Stupidiotic for just $20 (USD).