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Tactical Sammich: Because Fighting Zombie Hoards Builds up an Appetite

 |  |  |  |  |  May 24, 2011

With the CDC recently coming out with guidelines for your own zombie apocalypse survival kit, I think you all appreciate my writings on how to be prepared for the inevitable at this point. It’s easy to focus on critical things like not getting your ass eaten off by the undead and how to protect your collection of web porn post-apocalypse, but you also need to focus on other necessities.

I have covered weapons and survival tools a lot, but I neglected the foodstuffs you will need. Zombies aren’t good eatin’ afterall. Right next to my trusty Crovel in my zombie survival kit will be the Tactical Sammich over at ThinkGeek. I could really just say this and be done – It’s a damned hot pocket with a 2-year shelf life. Most zombie fighters will just agree that I had them at “hot pocket” and move on, even if the Sammich not actually hot.

I know that some of you frou-frou zombie fighters will want to know more. It’s going to be important to keep fit when fighting zombie hoards, you don’t want to get winded after all or pull a hammy running away. The Tactical Sammich only has 300 calories, perfect for staying in fighting shape. The Sammich comes in Pepperoni and Honey BBQ flavors. The only downside is the Sammich costs $5.99 each making it a costly addition to your kit.