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Man Crates Jerkygrams Review: What All Guys Want for Any Holiday

by Shane McGlaun
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Ok Ladies, do you have a man and you can’t figure out what to get him for Valentine’s Day, his birthday, Christmas or any other holiday? Man Crates Jerkygrams. Bros, have you somehow convinced a woman to like you and she wants to know what to get you as a gift? Man Crates Jerkygrams. I’m serious. If you ever need a gift idea for a dude or even a lady who doesn’t mind eating yummy meat out of a box that says “Man Crates,” this is some goooood eatin’.

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The fine folks over at Man Crates sent me out some meaty, yummy love in a heart-shaped box, and it tastes fantastic. My honest advice to you and don’t let anyone know you have a one of these, because they will want a sample and then they will like it and want more. It’s a vicious circle best not started. I received the Exotic Meats Jerky Heart packed with little packages of jerky made from animals that I wouldn’t normally eat, but it looked so good I gave it a try. I mean, I’m what you call a picky eater, I stick to beef, chicken, and pork on occasion.

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I decided to give this wild game jerky a try though. My favorite hands down is the root beer habanero venison jerky, but the Gator was good too. I mean I only got a little bite of the venison because I made the mistake of letting my daughter hold the entire package and she put it all in her mouth. It smelled so good I made her spit out the least slimy piece in her mouth and ate it anyway. Don’t judge me, I’m not even sorry. It was worth it. Plus she once spit up in my mouth as a baby, so I’ve tasted worse.

The meat-candy-filled heart comes with packs of Gator Jerky, Classic; Gator Jerky, Black Pepper; Buffalo Jerky, Black Pepper; Buffalo Jerky, Garlic; Elk Jerky, Garlic, Elk Jerky, Honey Bourbon; Wild Boar Jerky, Honey Bourbon; Wild Boar Jerky, Root Beer Habanero; Venison Jerky, Honey Bourbon; and Venison Jerky, Root Beer Habanero. You might think I learned my lesson by sharing with my daughter, but I also shared with my trusty dog Jetty McJetface because I am such a nice guy, and he went absolutely nuts. He’s been licking the carpet for an hour now and sniffing the empty box like sheer doggy will power can summon another bite. He won’t stay out of the kitchen now and he is trying to open the fridge where I stored the salami. I think he might be ruined for life.

I’m arguing with my daughter this very moment that she can’t have the last piece of venison jerky. Man Crates has created a problem, a very tasty problem. The jerky is all soft so you won’t end up with a sore jaw after mowing through the entire heart in an hour. The Exotic Meats Jerky Heart will cost you $39.99(USD) and all of your will power because you will eat it all.

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Man Crates also sent me the Salami Bouquet to try out, and OMG if I could only choose two foods for the rest of my life it would be Salami and cherry Pez for dessert. The Salami Bouquet is packed in a long cardboard box that looks like what you would get flowers in. Open it up and there are five nice size 8-ounce pieces of different flavored salamis.

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You get a Columbus Peppered, Columbus Sopressata, Columbus Calabrese, Columbus Chorizo, and Columbus Italian Dry. You might think that 8-ounces isn’t much, but that is a huge amount of salami. They all taste fantastic, too. I really like the peppered flavor. It’s too hot for my family, so I get to eat it all. I ate this stuff for dinner the night it showed up with some crackers and cheese. It was epic. Jetty McJetface liked it too. He will literally do any trick to get a piece of that salami. It’s not too late to order up a Man Crate for your special guy or meat loving gal for Valentine’s Day. They will love it. Now I’m off to eat some jerky, bitches. Later.

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