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You Merely Adopted the Garden, I Was Born in It

by Shane McGlaun

Bane may have been born in darkness, but his pacifist brother, Fane, was born in the garden. If you want to roll around in his field of flowers, but have allergies, you can use the cool tech in this Allergen Filtration Mask. However, we expect you to talk in a deep and ridiculous accent whenever you wear this.

Yes, the mask looks really stupid, but it promises to let you breathe naturally through the nose and mouth while capturing, neutralizing, and decomposing 99.3% of the bacteria and particles larger than 0.4 microns. That means pollen, dust mites, mold spores, tobacco smoke, and pet dander won’t make it to your nose or mouth.

The mask is made of cloth that is waterproof and has an integrated exhalation valve and elastic ear bands to keep it on your face. It sells for $79.99 and is available on Hammacher Schlemmer. Perhaps once you put on the mask, somebody will care who you are.



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