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This Telescoping Social Distancing Zapper Is a Sign of the Times

 |  |  |  |  November 13, 2020

By hite

How do you remind someone to practice social distancing? Personally I just yell. LOUD. But maybe you’re a quiet person. Maybe you just want to politely remind someone with a 4.5-volt shock to the arm from this Socially Distancing Zapper from Firebox. Hey, I can respect that.

The Socially Distancing Zapper costs $14 and is small enough to fit in your pocket, but telescopes long enough so that, combined with the length of your arm provided you aren’t a T-rex that has somehow managed to travel to the future, should maintain a six-foot social distance from someone while you administer their shock. And remember: always aim for any sweat on their arm for maximum effectiveness.

Obviously, the 4.5 volts is just barely enough to elicit a tingle from someone, but if anybody zaps me with one of these things you better believe I’m going to pee my pants than fake death.