Determined to break into the oversized Halloween yard decoration market that Home Depot has been monopolizing in recent years, Lowe’s is now selling this Haunted Living 12-foot Lighted Animatronic Mummy. The giant tattered skeleton measures 12′ tall, 5′ wide, x 6.2′ deep, and features posable arms, light-up eyes, and sound effects. My yard demands it. My wife insists the yard said no such thing, but I happen to know it only speaks to me because I mow it.
The skeleton rotates its upper body from side to side, greats guests when they approach via a proximity sensor and makes creepy moaning sounds. Me? I also make moaning sounds. Usually, that’s because my back hurts as soon as I wake up in the morning. I suppose that’s something mummies and I have in common – moaning and feeling old.
Will my lawn actually have a 12-foot mummy on display this Halloween? I suppose that depends on how much I value my relationship with my wife. So no, no, I probably won’t have a 12-foot mummy on display this Halloween. I will remain happily married, though, so there’s that.