Behold – the laser scissors. It’s a pair of scissors… with a frickin’ laser beam! And that is all that you need to know. Go buy it now.
Why are you still here? What? No, the laser can’t cut paper by itself; that’s what the scissor is for.
An amazing breakthrough tape dispenser-technology that will surely and permanently change the lives of salesclerks, secretaries, teachers and cubicle dwellers round the world has been announced by Nichiban Co Ltd. The revolutionary new tape dispenser cuts tapes with a nearly straight edge, unlike the jagged ones produced by conventional, lesser, obsolete, traditional, inferior, plain sucky tape dispensers.
When I first saw this gadget’s name I instantly wished that it referred to an industrious monster instead. Wouldn’t you rather hire a hardworking Yeti than buy a magnetic board with a clock on it? But actually the TaskWatch isn’t so bad.