Sometimes, we lie to protect someone. Other times, we lie because we can’t think of anything better to say. Bad lies, in particular, are so easy to spot that they’re laughable. We still tell them, though, especially if we think telling the lie will get us out of an awkward situation. These are lies that make people shake their heads and chuckle knowingly.
1. “Sorry, I missed your call.”
Are you, though? Chances are whatever they wanted to discuss could’ve been sent in a text message. Besides, who talks on the phone these days, anyway, right? It’s also an excuse people use when they don’t feel like talking on the phone right then or if they don’t want to speak with a particular person. A lie related to this one is, “Oh, I’m sorry. I had my ringer turned off and didn’t know I got a call.”
2. “I’ll quit tomorrow.”
We tell ourselves we have the determination and willpower to give up that bad habit at the drop of a hat or to start a good habit. But you’ll most likely still have that slice of chocolate cake tonight. You probably won’t walk that mile, either. Don’t worry — we won’t tell anyone you lied about dropping a bad habit or picking up a healthy one.
3. “It was nice talking to you.”
It’s the polite thing to say. Manners are important, after all. Even if Uncle Jack talked about his golf swing for an hour. You zoned out about 10 minutes in. We say this because we want to be nice people and have good manners. This can also be one of those fibs we tell to extricate ourselves from an awkward situation.
4. “I’ve read the terms and conditions”
Who really reads all the terms and conditions? Nobody reads them. This is largely because people who aren’t specialists in contract law can’t interpret the terms. Most people figure they won’t do anything to violate those terms, so they don’t bother to read the whole contract. It’s a good idea to keep a copy, though, just in case.
5. “Your baby is so cute!”
No one wants to tell a parent their baby won’t be the next Gerber Baby model but instead looks like Alfred Hitchcock. So, of course, we lie. Still, no one wants to be rude, and it’s arguable that all babies have at least a sweet innocence that’s attractive. Most people can appreciate that and think of it when they compliment the child.
6. “I’m almost there.”
This also falls into the category of lying to get out of an awkward situation. No one wants to admit they’re running so late that they just rolled out of bed, haven’t showered, and can’t find their keys. But you’re definitely on your way. You’re just not going to be too specific about how long “being on your way” will take.
7. “If there’s anything I can do, just let me know.”
We do this to sound helpful. It’s a socially acceptable thing to say when someone you know has an emergency or another crisis like a death in the family. But when your neighbor drops off two dogs, five cats, and a rabbit for you to pet sit while you’re out of town, you start to regret what you said.
8. “I won’t judge you.”
Of course, no matter what our friends tell us, we tell them we won’t judge them. But we just don’t say it out loud. But inside, we know what you’re thinking. Still, it can save a relationship when we decide not to express our opinions.
9. “Sorry, I’m busy right now.”
Does lying around in your underwear watching reruns of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills count as busy? We just don’t feel like doing anything, so saying we’re busy is a good way to duck out of any activity at all or to avoid something we don’t want to do.
10. “I promise.”
Be careful about what you promise, or what secrets you ask a friend to keep. In the future, it may be a good idea to specify how long this promise will last. It’s good to know whether your secret will be kept forever or just for the next few days.
11. “Of course, we can be just friends.”
That’s the biggest lie two people can tell each other, and it stings, even though it’s meant to help both parties end the relationship on friendlier terms. When you’re on the receiving end of it, you know they’re only saying this to be nice, which makes it worse in a way.
12. “I don’t care what others think of me.”
If you believe this, good for you. One axiom of the 12-Step groups is, “What other people think about you is none of your business,” so it’s a good saying to keep in mind. However, if you keep checking social media to see how many likes your last post has gotten, then maybe you’re not being completely honest with yourself.
13. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
This may be true occasionally, and it sounds like another good way to gently let someone down in a romantic relationship. We all know the truth about this one, though. You don’t want to say the person isn’t relationship material.
14. “I’ll just take a small bite.”
When someone says this, don’t let them anywhere near your food. There’s no such thing as a “little bit.” If you relent, the last slice of grandma’s cherry pie will disappear from your plate in short order.
15. “I’m fine”
This is the easiest lie to tell. We’ve all said it, and we’ve all heard it at some point in our lives. People say it because they don’t want to trauma dump on their friends, or admit they’re having problems. Most people want others to think everything is going well in their lives. It’s even considered a little socially inept when people give any other answer to that question.
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